Saturday, March 17, 2012

Just a little note

Lately, I have been under some intense stress, and I have been having panic attacks. My panic attacks usually come when I perceive that a terrible event, or an experience that I had before, or something new, is going to occur.

And last week, I had three panic attacks, and so I slept alot. I slept so deeply, that I did not dream, and I always almost dream in full vivid colour. Before I get a panic attack, I become highly observant, and I can focus intensely. It is funny how I can even explain what is going on in my head. What I hate is that, I can almost always tell, when something is going to happen...this does sound crazy, but it is true. 

Anyway, my PA sensors was right, and I received a bombshell on Thursday. In addition, I came to the realization that, sometimes, even those closet to you, do not know YOU. What is sad is that, the feelings that was there before has effectively dried up, and I no longer feel obligated to act as before. Instead, its like my mind and body has put up a large fortress with an active dragon living there. And I feel as though I cannot process anything simple, only complex things are being actively solved at the moment. After the solution, I forget what I was thinking and my mind needs to rest. If you do know what is happening to me, please leave a note. I am thinking I am heading for a big whoop, and my body is stocking up on ammunition.

Or maybe, I need a vacation. 

Next month I am having another interview, an old school friend of mine, she is beautiful and talented, and  very willing to be interviewed. I will take a break until then, to get my bolts checked and rest, because as I write to you, my eyes are closing.

Check out this link on panic attacks.


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