Saturday, July 21, 2012

The Month of May

Many people have a breaking point. Some folks earnestly believe that they don't, if you are one of those, ask your self, why does the human body have a limit to the amount of pain one can endure? Why do we have to be anesthetized when having surgery?

In the month of May, I was over stressed, my roommate and I were over stressed, we had a limit and then it was time to do something drastic. My end of the deal was done, so I packed up and with a few shed tears and hugs, kisses and take cares, I hopped on a boat looking for euphoria.

My mom was on hand to make sure I was fine, I felt elated, but my body was twisted emotionally, and mentally. I needed rest. So for two days I slept, got up bathe and slept. On the third day I took notes. Then I slept. 

Then I worked the streets…

Eventually I found a place and a job and everything else fell into place… just like that. (Feel free to include prayers, tears, reading, phone calls, angry out bursts, etc.) I did not find euphoria, but I found a reason to keep going. I found new challenges and new friends and people in my life. My family has been supportive, in particular my mom and grandmother. Their unwavering support will be of the best things I would remember because, I felt unappreciated and unloved, and they called and made it seemed 'ok' to face trials. 

God. Some folks have confidence in Him. I do, but not to the point that I throw it out there like hot water. Some days, I did not want to leave my bed, or go anywhere, sometimes I felt like I needed someone, and mom or granny could not call fast enough, I needed a presence, a feeling that I am not alone in this. That what happened in April really did happen. The feeling that if something like that could happen, then I would take the south and destroy everything. So, I thank God that i did not, and I took the highway, and that this would be the last time I would look back. I am gone… and I will find euphoria.

And then there was the Colorado shooter. According to reports, he started planning in May to shoot as many people as he can. He was brilliant, top of his university, shy, and a geek. He also ran cross country and played soccer. So why did he stock up on weapons and went into a crowded cinema to kill people? Why? What did he hope to accomplish? In reference to Albert played by Michael Caine's character in the 2nd installment of Batman, "…Some men just want to see the world burn." Did Mr. Holmes-who-just-sullied-the-greatest-surname-in-the-history-of-fictional-literature-by-becoming-a-villian wanted to see the world burn? Apparently, police refuse to look for a motive. Who would want to? Here it is you took two months to plan a murder? Where is the sense of right, wrong, and moving on?

Every one have a choice. A choice to do right and wrong. Sure we are all imperfect, and we do make mistakes, but there was a choice to be made.

Another thing I can't understand, folks tend to blame others for their actions. Ok so you were bullied in school, could not find a job, someone in your office is a jerk, the boss is a maniac. Whatever, like my sister says, "Deal with it and move on, don't settle for revenge or wasted time talking about it. Besides, you come to work to work/get the job done."

I learned a lot here in Tobago. First, you will not always have your family, cherish them while they are still alive. Secondly, You do have a choice, make sure it is the right one, and thirdly, there will always be office politics, they are hurdles, keep focused and forget the negatives, be positive, and give 110%. After all, it's a battlefield, survive without burning bridges.

The Colorado Murderer and I made plans in the Month of May. He killed people, I got a positive boost and outlook.


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