How do you even comprehend a situation?
Personally, I believe I am worth so much more that what I am doing these days, but I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand there is people I know on the other is my open field of dreams. How do I know if I am making the right decisions.
I feel like I am a bird trapped in a cage. As this bird, I can see the lush green hills of trees, I want to go there, because there is where I need to be, however I am trapped in this cage and try as I may, I can't escape. Today I was told by one of my relatives, that my current situation is because of my 'personal decisions'. While it sounded like a valid point, I did not think it to be true. What were my 'personal decisions': studying, getting a degree, going to countless interviews and while there was some success, I am still quite unemployed when it comes to my chosen field. I was chided for my 'attitude', 'not listening', 'stubborn', 'rebel', etc. Yet to my face, I am told I am very professional, and quite informal in my field.
What is wrong with this picture here?
Perhaps, I would have much success as a prostitute or a gold-digger? Hey it works for some recently successful celebs, who do nothing but run after rappers and become video models.
I don't even have the vibes.
In September, I am starting school again. That is right. I am starting my life over, again. I may keep the blog, but I am working on making some major changes to my former life as LMB the Graphic Designer. I am shelving my life as a Graphic Designer. It was not the right field for me, and I did it because, I was assured I had a future in the company I worked for at the time, then the beating at the office happened, I ended up at the hospital and here I am. I am glad I have the degree, it feels good to at least have that degree. Funny though, the former boss of that company (I called him that because he sold it), called me one day to do a job for him, he wants some design ideas for a new company, and he called me. We discussed it, and I asked him how much he is offering, he told me not to worry about that, since if this job is successful more jobs will be coming to me. I did not feel baited by this. The last time someone told me this, I had to fight to get paid for time put on a job, and the client even insulted me. Plus, I did not feel like being baited again. It does not feel good when people ride on your back into a pig sty, and then they get up dust their clothes off, and step on your head.
What I really hate is the fact, I am being chided for my refusal to work for my old boss, or for that matter, freelance for Trinis. "You will get more money!" they explain. Yet they seemed to have forgotten that when I was assaulted in that said office, no one there, including that 'boss', did anything about it. So, If you don't care about my body, why do you want to know what I have in my mind. Actions speaks louder than words. You can only lie for so long and for so much, eventually, it catches up with you.
So, there I am going into a new field come September, and a new life. I AM EXCITED!!!
2011©Lisa Marie Bonaparte
(Old Stuff I decided to put up 1st Jan 2014)