I am not going to confess my love for food and experimenting on it (F.Y.I. some have been very successful…lately it was my curried lamb that hit the spot , but it was a little too peppery).
|At a Wedding 1999|
Flipping through some old pictures the other day. I had to look twice at some of the pics I took in my teens and post teen period. Back then I was really stunning! And to think I thought I was fat! I thought I was so ugly that if I passed by a row of cars their side view mirrors would break. There were so many internal complaints : "My nose is too big, my neck is so short…I am too dark…" If I could time travel back to those days I would take my younger version of myself, sit her down at the Queens Park Savannah, buy her some coconut water and tell her:
"You are beautiful in every way, sometimes a little to rough, and a bit too outspoken. Don't sweat the small stuff, and don't be angry about everything, pick your battles. Live and think positive everyday…smile and don't talk too much. Sometimes, it is not good to tell people what you think, they may not care that much. Focus on your education and sign up for medical school…move to another Caribbean Island….and work hard. Always forgive your mother, she did what was best for you, and she will continue to do it, you are her child and you will always be like this in her eyes. Be yourself and learn to love yourself. Don't ever let people make you feel unhappy. Be there for your sisters, they will always need you… even-though they would tell you otherwise…listen, even when you are angry. Forget the guys…they will come when its time, meanwhile, try to build a relationship with your God…and don't sweat the small stuff. Exercise, and drink lots of water…"
I still have so much to say, but that will do.
Back in 2007, a friend told me, "You are portly." I responded, "That sounds like rich red wine, lots of body." Later, my mom said, "You are really putting on weight." I did not feel so bad…that is mom, direct and to the point. However, she understood, I was studying, and late at night, while reading a chapter or doing research, I would consume lots of sweet stuff: gummy bears, ice cream, cheese sandwiches, blueberry bagels with cream cheese, you name it, I had it….skittles…soda. When I traveled to New York, I was already overweight and thoroughly stressed. At two hundred pounds, I returned home. Now I have passed that…unfortunately. At 5' 3" my BMI is screaming, "You are TOO FAT!"
So, from last week I decided to maintain a disciplinary eating habit:
1. Three Meals a day (I had an anxious moment Wednesday, and ate too much)
2. Eat only home cooked meals (this was a success, not only have I not been purchasing outside meals, I carry a large 1.5 liter bottle of water, so that I don't have to excuse myself for a snack. However, I love mints, and they have so much sugar, I have odd cravings)
3. Exercise. I have not done this in a while, and I even put out my walking outfit, and can't get up early enough to jog before getting ready for work…
4. Sugar…how am I going to avoid you
So far, there have not been any visual improvements, but my feelings have been good. For instance, I have been getting more energy, and feeling less tired…I have been thinking better and feeling more positive. I am beginning to like the emotional improvement. I hope to see more in the future, although its gonna be challenging.
Support would be needed...
2011©Lisa Marie Bonaparte